“It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” Won't Air Due to Misogyny, Racism

ABC has announced that it will discontinue the long standing tradition of airing “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” during the Halloween season. This announcement came on the heels of recent protests concerning Charlie Brown and friends questionable activity.

“Charlie Brown was clearly sexually harassing the little red haired girl” said Activist Victor Stamboling, “and Linus tricked Sally into spending the night in the pumpkin patch when he knew dam well there was no great pumpkin. He just wanted to get his freak on and take advantage of poor Sally. Don’t even get me started on the halloween costumes. Clearly KKK.”

No Nuts

Former child actor Robbie Rist, who played cousin Oliver on the Brady Bunch, is spearheading the campaign to remove the Peanuts from television. Rist’s organization, “No Nuts”, also includes Potsie from Happy Days and Tom Hanks.

“It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” Won't Air Due to Misogyny, Racism — Franklin Sits Alone!

“What about – A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving?” screamed Rist. “How racist can you be!? Sally, Charlie Brown, Peppermint Patty, and Snoopy — all sit on one side of the table for Thanksgiving dinner, with Marcie and Linus at the head. The cartoon’s lone black character, Franklin, is on his own side of the table seated on a lawn chair. Even the dog gets treated better than the black kid. We demand more cartoons of color!”

Charlie Brown Misogyny & Racism

ABC will no longer air any Charlie Brown specials, this includes Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. The Halloween special debuted on CBS in 1966 and has been aired on ABC yearly since 2001. ABC will air the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” instead. Good Grief.

A spokesperson for Charles Schulz’ estate, responded “Are you insane? It’s a cartoon? It’s a beloved family tradition and there is nothing racist about any Peanuts cartoons. You are a sick sonofabitch. Now get out of my office before I smack you silly.”