Pink To Require Proof of Abortion To Attend All Future Concerts

Pop singer PINK announced today that any fan wishing to attend one of her concerts must show proof of abortion or vasectomy.

Pink aka Alecia Beth Moore made the decree after a full day of fighting with people on Twitter. Pink tweeted that anyone who disagrees with her should not listen to her music. She threatened to break into fans homes and steal back her music. Pink even stated she would hire hackers to search all fans devices. If they found any pro Clarence Thomas items, they are instructed to delete all her music from the offending laptops and phones.

Pap Smears

For all upcoming Pink concerts, anyone attending must show a valid proof of abortion or a vasectomy. Abortions, Vasectomies, Hysterectomies, Pap Smears and other assorted procedures will also be offered on site. They will be available at the venue and will be performed personally by Pink.

Pink To Require Proof of Abortion To Attend All Future Concerts

Pink commented, “I have been watching a lot of youTube videos on the subject and I think I have mastered the procedures. I have been practicing on the homeless and I am studying to be a midwife. It will be a cool thing. At all my concerts there will be a special tent on stage for those wishing to have a procedure done on them. We will even film the procedure and show it to the crowd on the Jumbotron. It’s going to be awesome.”

Pink elaborated, “I may even extend attendance to people who wish to sacrifice their existing children. The legal team is still ironing out the details of that as some backward states have a problem with sacrifices. We have a crack team on this and I am sure we can work it out in time.”

Fans

Pink mega fan, Russ Durnill giggled with anticipation, “I am so excited, because I am Pink’s number one fan. Even though I am a guy, I am going to get a vasectomy and an abortion. Maybe I will even save up and get a Pap Smear and a T-Shirt. Not sure what a Pap Smear is or if I even have a PAP but if Pink is giving it to me, it sounds fun. Hey wait a minute isn’t Pap Smears the guitarist from The Germs and Nirvana? I love you Alecia.”