Actor Danny Devito Involved in Tragic Cloning Accident

Actor Danny Devito was involved in a horrific cloning accident over the weekend leaving his assistant disfigured. Initially Devito contacted Cells R Us in Worcester Mass. and explained that he wished to make a clone of himself. Devito was assured by Dr. Dan Horstein that he could in fact clone Devito and in the process make him taller and more handsome.

Cells R Us

Cells R Us is a vigorous advocate of commercial cloning technology, and made the startling assertion last month that it was trying to clone humans. Dr. Hornstein was able to successfully clone monkeys, wombats and mice, and was excited to attempt a human cloning. Devito was going to be Hornsteins ‘guinea pig’.

Hornstein developed a radical unorthodox method of cloning that bypasses the usual embryonic stage and produces a fully grown human in 30 minutes. In Devito’s case, it was going to take 15 minutes. Dr. Hornstein’s cloning machine is known as ‘The Clone-O-Matic 3000’.

Actor Danny Devito Involved in Tragic Cloning Accident — Danny Devito Tragic Cloning Accident

Dr Hornstein met with Devito and his assistant, Ellen Guarante in a Hollywood Hotel to attempt the cloning. Since the method is so controversial, Hornstein demanded the utmost secrecy and insisted the procedure be done in a nondescript hotel room.

The Fly

The procedure was going well, but then something went horribly wrong. “I am not sure what happened” said Hornstein. “It must be something like that movie ‘The Fly’. Somehow Ms. Guarante’s DNA and Danny’s DNA got mixed and it became a perfect storm of cells and DNA flying around the hotel room. The Clone-O-Matic 3000 shorted out and Ms. Guarante was knocked to the ground. When she got up she had Danny Devito’s head. It is rather unfortunate. She was a beautiful girl.”

At this time Dr. Hornstein is attempting to rectify the situation, but the situation looks bleak. On a positive note, Ms. Guarante has received multiple offers from Porn sites, Hollywood and the circus.