Steven Van Zandt Finds Rat Penis in His Gabagool

Musician Steven Van Zandt had the surprise of his life recently when he got his meal with a little something extra in it.

Van Zandt known as ‘Little Steven’, went to his favorite restaurant, “The Spaghetti Bucket”, in Asbury Park, NJ. When he bit into his Capicola salad, he tasted something salty and rubbery. When he inspected further, he realized he had a tiny rat penis in his mouth. He immediately threw up and rinsed his mouth with bleach, but could not get the sickening thought out of his mind.

Restaurant staff then threw Van Zandt out of the restaurant because he was “chewing his spaghetti belligerently, and upsetting other patrons.”

“I have not been able to sleep and I have not digested a decent meal in weeks since this incident occurred” said Van Zandt. “I have headaches and I cannot perform with my wife. My friends and Bruce Springsteen are accusing me of being homosexual since I had a penis in my mouth. Even though it was a rat penis and was a mistake. PETA is sending me death threats. I am beside myself.”

The owner of the restaurant Angie Spumoni said she has no idea how something like this could have happened. “We checked all the rats in the basement and none of them are missing a penis.”

Van Zandt implied he will seek legal actions and compensation. Attorney Shlomo Weingarten stated, “What if the rat had chlamydia or aids? We just don’t know how this will impact Mr. Van Zandt, and we are seeking 7.5 million dollars, which we believe to be a fair amount considering the grievous nature of this incident.” The restaurant has countered with an offer of a free lifetime supply of GabaGool.