Paul McCartney Granted Restraining Order Against James Corden

Paul McCartney Granted Restraining Order Against James Corden

Rock legend Paul McCartney was forced to take out a restraining order against talk show host James Corden. It is alleged that following Sir Paul’s appearance on Corden’s carpool karaoke TV show, Corden’s behavior grew increasingly erratic.

Paul McCartney James Corden

McCartney has been granted a temporary restraining order against James Corden who claims that he is related to the former Beatle. Paul’s lawyer, Maxwell Hammer submitted paperwork to a London court on Tuesday to seek protection against Corden who has “been harassing McCartney for months,” according to TMZ.

Corden reportedly trespassed onto Paul’s property six times in the last month. According to court docs Corden attempted to make contact with the star each time. It is stated that Corden swam in Sir Paul’s swimming pool and took a shower in his house.

Paul McCartney Granted Restraining Order Against James Corden

“I looked out me window” said McCartney “and I thought I saw a baby whale or some type of sea creature in me pool. It turned out to be James Corden swimming naked in my swimming pool. I had to have the whole pool drained and sanitized. He also had his bare buttocks on my furniture. I had to burn everything.”

Tasered

Police were called and they chased a naked laughing Corden around the grounds before finally tasering him on his testicles. “He was like a greased pig on ice” said Constable Albert Halsey. “He is very fast for a man of his size and girth. I finally caught up to him and tackled him. He was squirming around and giggling so I tasered him on his privates. That certainly calmed him down.”

McCartney continued, “I had a fun time doing his stupid carpool karaoke. But that was the end of it for me. He was crying and going on and on. I caught him trying to take a look at my willie as we were on a bathroom break. Then he starts insinuating that he is my son. I do have a son named James but that fat wanker Corden is not my son. This weirdo sits out in front of my NYC apartment meowing. My first instinct was not to do his show but then I agreed. I cancelled three times because he creeps me out.” Corden was ordered to stay 1 mile away from McCartney at all times. 

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19 thoughts on “Paul McCartney Granted Restraining Order Against James Corden

    1. Supposedly a comedy magazine.
      A bit light on the comedy though. How about “Maxwell Hammer” and “Albert Halsey”?

  1. Really? McCartney’s lawyer’s name is Maxwell Hammer? (Clang! Clang! Maxwell’s silver hammer came down upon his head…Clang! Clang! Maxwell’s silver hammer made sure that he was dead!)

  2. Disclaimer – Satire is awesome. And it is protected by the First Amendment. We here at Madhouse Magazine believe in Embellishments, Exaggerations and complete Fabrications. It’s all in good fun and no harm was meant. All rights reserved and all content copyright Madhouse Magazine 2020. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental !!!!

  3. Wow, is this a true story??? James Cordon? This doesn’t even sound plausible. Burning furniture just because someone sat on it naked? They will remove it for free if you buy a new one. The next person will never be aware of who sat on it. How is he getting in? And tased on his testicles? That’s a pretty good shot. Just hitting someone is considered a success, I don’t know anyone who can hit a target as small as testicles. It just all sounds like a fishing story, certainly a tall tale.

  4. I was following this until police said Corden was actually quite fast for his size.

    1. Hi Uncle Albert—It was the first time that I saw Madhouse Magazine posted as a link on Google News! At first, they had me going, but the lawyer (Maxwell Silver) gave it away. This is a very funny magazine—reminds me a lot of The Onion…part of my favorites now.

  5. So weird that so many people thought this was a true story!! The name of the magazine is right there!! 🤣🤣🤣

  6. I used to read Mad Magazine back in the 60’s! Are they related? Really fictional and humorous story! Did Paul have a laugh with it?

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