New DNA Evidence Proves Guy From ABBA is Lars Ulrich’s Father

Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich was shocked recently when DNA evidence proved that the guy from ABBA is his father. After taking a DNA Test Lars was surprised to found out that he was mostly Swedish and had no Danish in him. I once knew a guy that had Danish in him and it was quite messy, but we digress.

Lars Ulrich ABBA

For his entire life Lars believed he was born in Denmark to Oscar and Alma Ulrich. However after the DNA test Lars launched a full investigation and he found out some unsettling truths. It turns out that Benny Andersson of the band ABBA is his real father.

In 1963, 17 year old Göran Bror Benny Andersson was touring Denmark with his band “Elverkets Spelmanslag”. After a night of passion in the back seat of a VW, his girlfriend Astrid ended up with child as they say. Benny and Astrid could not afford a hospital stay so Little Baby Lars was born on Christmas night in a manger. They left Lars on the Ulrich’s doorstep and rang the bell. They left a note that said, “This is little baby Lars, raise him as your own, love him, teach him tennis and drums.”

All went well, Lars thrived and went on to become the drummer in Metallica. Benny went on to form ABBA and sell millions of albums. Lars was riding high in one of the most popular Metal bands of all time. “Something was still missing” said Lars. “I always felt that there was a piece of the puzzle missing. Even though I was in Metallica, I secretly loved the band ABBA.”

ABBA

“It suddenly all made sense” continued Lars. “I never felt like I was a Denmark citizen. What do they even call people from Denmark? I felt 100 percent Swedish and ABBA was my favorite band. When I called Benny he confirmed the whole story. He left me on the Ulrich doorstep after seeing them in a cafe. They looked very happy and responsible. Benny and I met and we clicked immediately. He said I can call him Pappa.”

Lars and Benny have been spending a lot of time together and have plans for a musical collaboration. Metallica and ABBA are recording an album of metal versions of ABBA hits. “We are going to tour together as well” said Lars. “This collaboration is going to be even better than when Metallica recorded and toured with Lou Reed.”

Metallica: metallica.com