Metallica Helps James Hetfield Break Out of Rehab to Finish Tour

In a brazen, Shawshank-style jailbreak, James Hetfield escaped his maximum security rehab with the aid of his fellow Metallica bandmates. 

Apparently, Metallica drummer, Lars Ulrich, smuggled tools into ‘Duffy’s Napa Valley Rehab & Winery’. Ulrich hid hack saw blades, drill bits and a hole punch in his sphincter before bringing it into the rehab. Ulrich deposited the tools into the toilet where Hetfield retrieved them. 

Hetfield then used the tools to drill a hole through his cell wall, hacking through bars, using bed sheets and finally digging a tunnel to freedom. Lars, Kirk Hammett and Robert Trujillo were outside the rehab walls in an awaiting car. 

The tunnel apparently took 7 days to dig. During that time, Hetfield hid the hole in the wall behind a life size ‘Lady Gaga’ poster. 

The band is now on the run in Northern California, living off bananas, river water, and smarts. Lars released a statement on his Instagram stating “Our brother James is safe with us where he belongs. We as a band plan to bond and remain in the forest until the tour starts. We will heal James with berries and guava jelly.”