Colorado Removes Ozzy From Rock Hall Of Fame Ballot

Colorado has declared that Ozzy Osbourne is ineligible for the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame under the infamous sanity clause. They removed him from the ballot, setting up a likely showdown to decide whether the Prince of Darkness can remain as a 2024 Rock Hall nominee.

Colorado has formed an organization to remove Ozzy from the ballot. The Colorado Ozzy Committee for Kindness aka C.O.C.K is led by spokesperson Teresa Wigelsworth. She cited Ozzy’s past behavior as a reason for the decision. Wigelsworth screamed, “The man has used drugs, defecated in public, urinated on the Alamo and even bit the head off of a defenseless bat.”

Ozzy In The Rock Hall

Of course Wigelsworth is referring to the 1982 incident when Ozzy bit the head off of a bat on stage. Ozzy believed the bat thrown onstage was a toy bat and bit the head off in jest. Once realizing the bat was real, Ozzy had to undergo three weeks of painful rabies shots.

Colorado Removes Ozzy From Rock Hall Of Fame Ballot

Wigelsworth then continued, “Colorado likes the current path that the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame is following. No real rock n roll artists are being inducted. We like that in Colorado, we only want to see pop, country and rap artists inducted. There are enough rock n roll people in the hall of fame. We want to see more nice artists like Dolly Parton, Sade, Cher, George Michael, Abba, Mariah Carey and Bon Jovi inducted. If we get our way we will remove all rock artists from the hall of fame that are scary or talented in any way and insert pop artists.”

Ozzy’s lawyers argue, “Rock n Roll was always about rebellion. The best Rock music comes from the groin. All of these pop artists create state approved sterile soul less pop music. There is nothing rebellious, scary, sexual or exciting about it at all. It is throw away trash. If we allow Colorado to remove Ozzy from the rock hall of fame ballot, it will be a travesty. It will be equal to when The Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.”

Nominees

Other 2024 nominees include: Peter Frampton, Lenny Kravitz, Mary J Blige, Mariah Carey, Cher, Dave Matthews Band, Foreigner, Jane’s Addiction, Kool & The Gang, Oasis, Sinead O’Connor, Sade and A Tribe Called Quest. You can imagine which artists C.O.C.K approves. C.O.C.K member Matt Goss stated, “I love Cher, she is definitely the type we want in the Rock Hall. Colorado throws their full support behind Cher. I remember as a child I would put on my mother’s wig and high heels and dance around to Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves. It made me the man I am today.”