Alyssa Milano Rips Out Her Own Ovaries as Protest

Protestors showed up at the home of Mitch McConnell to express their anger at his support for moving forward with nominating and confirming a new Supreme Court justice before November’s election.

Alyssa Milano attended the protest and began acting erratically. She then ripped her own ovaries out of her body as she screamed, “You want my ovaries Mitch, well here they are.” She began chewing on the ovaries before throwing them at McConnell’s house. She then wrote “Helter Skelter” on the front door in her own blood. 

The thrown ovaries smashed through an upstairs window of McConnell’s house. McConnell reported, “I saw 2 little shriveled raisins bouncing around my sitting room like super balls. I had no idea what they were. I was horrified when I later learned that they were Alyssa Milano’s ovaries. Good god man, who acts like that? My dog ate them. I hope he doesn’t get sick.”

Secret Service wrestled Milano to the ground, and tased her before transporting her to the hospital. She was seen strapped to a gurney foaming at the mouth and screaming “Who’s the Boss Now!”.