Lizzo Joins Fleetwood Mac to Replace Christine McVie

Fleetwood Mac made a startling announcement today, Lizzo joins Fleetwood Mac. The band released a statement that Lizzo is officially joining the band to replace singer Christine McVie. The future of the band was uncertain and they were unsure if they would continue or hang it up. Apparently, the addition of Lizzo has sparked new life into the band and they plan to record and tour.

Fleetwood Mac has seen many changes, scandals and ups and downs over the years. The band was formed many years ago by Mick Fleetwood and some other guys. They achieved their greatest success after Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks joined the band. Of course you have heard all of the stories of cocaine, affairs, debauchery and breakups.

Lindsey vs Stevie

In recent years, Stevie Nicks threw her ex out of the band and he was replaced by a bunch of other guys. No one actually knows who they are. By the way did you know Stevie and Lindsey were never actually married? After Lindsey called Stevie a silly cow and said the band used to turn her tambourine off because she was so bad, Stevie went crazy. During a concert in Philadelphia, Nicks went on a 10 minute profanity laced rant, which culminated in the ripping of Buckingham’s photo. Nicks called Buckingham a no talent eunuch. “Lindsey was a true artist” said Nicks. “He had Van Gogh’s ear for music.”  Nicks continued, “Lindsey may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you, he really is an idiot.”

The glue that kept the band together was beloved keyboard player, singer/songwriter Christine McVie. After McVie passed away, the band discussed retiring. But then the thought of leaving all of that money on the table was too much for the members to bear. 

Lizzo Joins Fleetwood Mac

Mick Fleetwood stated, “After it was decided that we would continue, we had to figure out who would be the best addition to the band. We thought of adding Axl Rose but he was busy with his seventeen other bands. Stevie came up with the idea of Lizzo. At first we laughed and the guitar player vomited. But Stevie explained how much money we will save. Adding a woman of color will allow us a ton of tax breaks. Plus we could put it in our contracts that we get paid by the pound and become billionaires. And just think about the band’s touch football team.”

The band and crew members then went on a 15 minute joke fest. “Hey I hear Lizzo’s belt loops have mile markers on them”. “The National Weather Service names her farts”. “I heard she stepped on the talking scale and it warned her, hey one at a time”. “She fell in the grand canyon and got stuck”. “When her thighs rub together it smells like bacon”.

Lizzo was very excited to join the band. “I love Fleetwood Mac, but honestly I am not sure which one is Fleetwood and which one is Mac. Is the old lady Mac? It doesn’t matter, I love their songs and can’t wait to add a ten minute flute solo to Landslide.” Word on the street is that they plan to rename the band Fleetwood Lizzo.

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