Bill Gates is Dating Jennifer Lopez

Bill Gates made a second shocking announcement today. Gates announced that he is dating Jennifer Lopez. This announcement came on the heels of the Gates divorce blockbuster.

In identical tweets, the Microsoft co-founder and his wife Melinda, said they had made the decision to end their marriage of 27 years. “The sight of each other makes us want to vomit. Good Riddance.” said the tweet. The Gateses were married in 1994 in Hawaii. They met after she began working at Microsoft as an intern in 1987. She won Bill Gates’ heart after meeting at a work dinner, sharing a mutual love of serial killers and beating him at a game of dungeons and dragons.

In April, Jennifer Lopez announced that she was splitting from longterm beau, Alex Rodriguez. “I can’t trust the sonofabitch.” said Lopez. Well maybe what’s good for the goose is good for that gander. 

Today’s announcement led to widespread speculation, that there was a whole lot of shenanigans going on. People have been checking timelines and launching full investigations. Jason Silver posted a full calendar with maps, timelines and diagrams of all the parties involved. It looked like something out of the JFK trial. 

Jennifer Lopez stated “Bill is my everything. When we met, I had no idea who he was, I never heard of him. I do not care how much money he has, I would love him if even if he was a plumber or just a regular millionaire.”

Internet star, Paul Gross, was the first to coin the name ‘Billifer’ for the new couple. Others have been calling them ‘J-Gate’, ’Slime-Balls’, and ‘Who-GivesAFuk’. 

The couple were photographed canoodling at Nobu in Los Angeles. They were seen holding hands at Sur and were spotted making out at Sardi’s. It looks like the real thing folks.