A-Rod and J-Lo Purchase Bible Signed By Jesus For $1.7 Million

Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez have purchased what they believe to be a first edition Bible, signed by Jesus himself. 

The couple purchased the bible on Craigslist from actor Jussie Smollett for $1.7 Million. The bible comes with a certificate of authenticity and a one of a kind ‘Jesus Fish’ car magnet.

“We are so excited” said Jennifer Lopez, “We both take our faith very seriously, and this bible is something our family will cherish forever.”  Alex Rodriguez chimed in “Yes we are very serious Catholics. We go to church every Christmas Eve and sometimes even on Easter.” 

Social media religious experts immediately took to twitter to mock the couple. “The Bible has property of Holiday Inn stamped on the first page. Did Jesus stay at the Holiday Inn” tweeted Kenneth Huff. Rick from Pawn Stars tweeted “If it is really signed by Jesus, I will offer you $400 for it. It will sit in the store for a while until I find a buyer. It’s the best I can do.”

When Madhouse News informed J-Lo that the oldest ever English version of the Bible is The Coverdale Bible from 1535, she replied “Great, this one comes with a certificate of authenticity.” Madhouse News continued to try to explain to J-Lo that the bible she purchased was printed using modern technology and printing processes and therefore could not have possibly been signed by Jesus. J-Lo replied “Whatever.”

A-Rod responded to haters by saying, “If you’re curious, the most expensive Bible ever is a Gutenberg Bible that sold for $5.39 million in 1987 and that was not even signed by Jesus, so $1.7 million for a signed copy is a bargain, so y’all can kiss my tuckus.”