Sammy Hagar Wakes Up in Tub of Ice with Kidney Missing

Rocker Sammy Hagar claims that he woke up in a bathtub filled with ice and in incredible pain. There was a note left that read, “Your kidney is gone. Call 911 immediately. Be thankful we left you one, we could have taken both.”

Hagar told authorities that he has a list of suspects and they are all fellow rock stars. Sammy recalled the circumstances that led to this unfortunate incident. “I was invited to a party under the ruse of a Van Halen reunion. David Lee Roth, Alex Van Halen, Michael Anthony, George Lopez, Gene Simmons, even little Wolfie, they were all in on it. I am sure that Simmons was the ring leader.”

Bathtub of Ice

“They must be running some sort of International organ harvesting ring. We were all sitting around yakking it up and jamming. We were having a few drinks, and I noticed Simmons was bartending which was a little odd since he doesn’t drink. The next thing I knew I was getting woozy and had to sit down. He must have put something in my tequila. I am no light weight, I do a bottle of tequila before breakfast. The next thing I know, I am waking up in a bathtub filled with ice.”

Sammy Hagar Wakes Up in Tub of Ice with Kidney Missing

The incident occurred in Mexico. Hagar owns a restaurant in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Apparently someone slipped Hagar a mickey. When he was out, a person or persons unknown skillfully removed one of his kidneys. Doctor Nick Rivera of Cabo San Lucas General Hospital stated, “Whoever did this, has some skills. They had soft hands and left a tiny scar. Usually the victim is butchered during bathtub surgery.”

George Lopez

Busboy Ryan Maynard stated, “I witnessed the Van Halen band carrying Sammy to a private room. The next thing I notice is they are all leaving and walking very briskly. Gene Simmons is carrying a cooler. I suspect Sammy’s kidney was in there. He handed it to George Lopez who gave him cash in return. I read that George needed a kidney because his wife repossessed the kidney she donated him. The sonofabitch cheated on her after she gave him a kidney.”

Hagar continued, “Ace Frehley called me up immediately and told me the same thing happened to him. He was ashamed to speak up. Gene even admitted that he only let Ace and Peter back in the band to harvest their organs. This is insane, I am warning all musicians to stay away from these guys, they are bad news. They are running an International black market human organ ring. Watch your drinks and hold on to your organs.”